Thursday, May 19, 2011


alright, I had to blog about this because my life was just made better.
My favorite band from a few years ago is back. the have a new album. Some would say it is a bad thing that they have not changed much, but i love it, due to the fact that they are STILL the band I love. I am so happy right now it is insane. They have always been my summer band, and they are back. Just in time. love.
I met this band when I was 14 at warped tour, and I was so happy that I almost died, then, just after that, I hear they are going on hiatus. great. NOW THEY ARE BACK!! i think it makes me love them so much more. I will post some of my old favorites on my playlist, since the new ones are not on yet. :] my music taste has changed a lot, but I will keep a place for them. PS: the itunes rating of the new cd is *****
yellowcard rules.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My life.

pounding headache.
     My friends mean the world to me. I love them. There is so much that they do not know that they actually influence me in my life. I would do anything for them. I don't care if they care or not, or if they even know that, but i hope that they do, because I know they go through a lot that I could never handle. Things happen in the world sometimes that I do not understand, but hopefully they are for the better. After all, I am not the judge, the decision maker, but I am going to do the best I can to get things to be the best they can. I listen to what is around me, and it affects me. Emotion. what does that even mean to people. It means a ton to me, and I have never been faced with a choice quite like this, but I think it will be worth it. I do not know how it will work out, but I am going to try the best I can to make it work. Sometimes it seems like my trials are so much harder different from others around me. but I can do this, and I have the strength.
     I have a different way of motivating myself then other people do. I write about it. I write about myself until there is nothing left to write about. People say they want their blog to be like a journal or a cork board or a place to post funny pictures... I want it to be my head. My whole brain just scattered all across this entire webpage. Just the thought process, where my thoughts are going how, not necessarily why. I just want it to be written somewhere. the motivation behind these thoughts, for the most part, will be kept to myself. Its open. relate.
     I believe in this time I know I can live through this life and there is a lot to think about, with all the pressures in my head, I am surprised that it has not spontaneously combusted. I want to know so much about myself. Just when you think that you have it all figured out, it all changes. I don't need what someone else needs. You can have it, because I was not so sure I would be able to handle it in the first place. I'm going to give it away, because I love you more then that, and you need it more then I do. Don't think about it too hard.
     Now take hold of it and don't let go. Work harder knowing someone gave it all for you. I know that you can do it.

Sunday, May 8, 2011


this is a picture from the BYU art museum.
this feels like how many books i have to read for english...


everyone has them. we plan out how we want something to be, what we hope it will be. It is never going to go according to plan. still plan. hope for things. want them. but, expect for them to be different then you think. just because something did not happen exactly how you thought it would does not mean that it wasn't good. the best things that happen are spontaneous. whenever I do something out of the blue, it ends up better then if i would have planned it for a thousand years. Its like acting, you have to know who you are, where you are going to be and how you would react, but, the more you know the part you play, the better things turn out. You can't have as good of a reaction to something you already know is going to happen. just like when you can tell the actor is just waiting for their next line. You have to be connected enough to what is around you that the best things happen. What if you were having your wedding, and you planned it without one speck of free time. to me, it would not be me. I wouldn't know how i really felt about it if i knew exactly what was going to happen. that is why i like to write. I just start writing and what starts out as scattered thoughts becomes a reality. if you think you know how something is supposed to be, it will never be that way. Just look at it's root. Suppose: Assume that something is the case on the basis of evidence or probability but without proof or certain knowledge. those words are uncertain. if it is supposed to be a certain way, people are just assuming it will be like that.
News flash: It wont.
hope. dream. wish. cliche.
hope because you feel. dream because you love. and wish because you know.
it will be worth it. make good of what is, and don't expect more.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

scatter brain.. :]

I just realize how much people really mean to me when they make mistakes. You always tell people that you are there for them no matter what, but are you really? They true test comes when you are faced with it. If someone comes to you, and they have made a mistake, are you willing to look past that and help them out. Even if they don't think that they made a mistake. I hope there are people out there who are willing to look past my mistakes, because I make plenty, so I want to be the kind of person that someone would turn to. I have such an interest in people, and i am just now realizing how much others influence me. I am happy when my friends are happy, sad when they are sad, and cranky when they are cranky. It is the way I work. If you come to me with something, I am only now telling myself that I need to feel my own pain instead of feeling yours. It gets to me. I really do feel it. I know a few things for sure. We are tested, all the time, and they are basically pass or fail. Am I passing? do you get graded at life? People are always striving to please others.
What if we all just did what we loved, to please ourselves?
not temporary happiness, but things that we KNOW would make us a better person in the long run. I know that I need to be better, and there are a lot of things that I still do not understand, but I know the things that do and do not make me happy. We can push for the good ones, we just have to try. Passion. It is more than a statement. It is a question. What are you passionate about? The first thing that comes to my head. Friends. I have passion for my friends. I love them. the ones I am closest to now and the ones from the past. I want them to have a good life, I want them to make the right choices, but deep down... I also want them to be there for me. remind me, because i want to always be your friend, and if i am not and i have been, bring mee back.
I love you,. no matter what. I mean it.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

that just touched my life.


I was writing my brother, the missionary, an email. and listening to pandora, of course. and this song came on. I dont know what it was, but it touched me a lot. I think it is amazing. I dont know why, but it really got me.
so I wanted to know more about the artist, so i clicked on his biography, and this is what came up. read it. it is really inspiring.

2 sentences. + i love you,.

Kailee Rose:
my best friend. you not only complete my sentences, you complete my life.
I love you
Brylee Reed:
Around you, I could laugh for days. You are in my life for a reason.
I love you.
Ashley Earp:
We clicked so fast, it is unbelievable. I want to be like you.
I love you.
Maddie Bell:
You are amazing. Can we just be friends forever?
I love you.
Paris Moore:
You cannot imagine how much you mean to me. You're the apple to my pie, straw to my berry.
I love you.
Brooke Morgan:
I can talk to you about anything. You are also georgous.
I love you.
Amanda Maxwell:
I am jealous of your musical talents. You have a stregnth that cannot be mistaken.
I love you.
(E)Rika Lauts:
I want your style so bad it hurts. You have lushous hair and an amazing personality.
I love you.
I also love you too, even if didn't write your name down. :]