Saturday, April 21, 2012

This is the World Coming Down on Your Head

"If you never say what you are thinking, then it never really exists." A good friend of mine told me this once, and I honestly don't think that I will ever forget it. It goes both ways, doesn't it. I felt inspired to speak my mind, and I didn't. I am worried that I will never have that opportunity again. It hurts worse when all you can think about your thought after not speaking up is "It never really existed".
Some people are gutsy and say what they feel. I cannot say that I am one of these people. I wish I was. Sometimes great things come out of their bravery, and sometimes they just get shot down. I live with a fear of not being accepted. I have hated, lost, cried, and loved without ever saying anything. Was it worth it? no.
The other side, the hatred one. These thoughts and feelings that people get may just cause hurt. It is sometimes better to keep them to yourself, if at all possible. Then, you wont have to worry about them existing. Or ruining something strong and incomparable. I am all for voicing opinion, I just suck at it. I hurt people more than heal or comfort. I say things without thinking. I have no brain filter. 

If you are reading this, I probably care for you. We probably have something we could say to each other. And we may not ever know what one thinks of the other. I may not ever tell you what I really think of you. I may not admit to you how I feel. And what I actually feel will never really exist.