Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Where is my mind?

Oh man, so much has happened in such a short period of time. This is going to be one crazy post. I had the opportunity to attend the high school Shakespeare festival for the first time as a college student. I blogged long ago about how much I love Shakespeare and that opinion has again been reinforced. His works have changed the world. Watching Hamlet opened my eyes to things I wish would never leave me. It put me on a theatre high, made me want to perform more. I am considering a Theatre Arts Minor, but that is a whole new topic.

I have a feeling that you will soon understand the name of this post.

It was exactly what I needed to see my friends from the drama department. They mean so much to me and their influence on me is incredible. The influence of drama pointed me in the right direction to making the biggest decision of my life so far, the decision of where I should go to college. Although I am not majoring in Theatre, I am around it all the time.
 I have the most incredible friends. I am constantly reminded that they have not forgotten me. When I went home for fall break, I was struck with the realization that my best friends would stick with me for life. I always knew it, but it just really hit hard this time.

I hate when my posts don't have a meaning, so I came up with one. I cannot make decisions. Even when I do, they aren't really solid. I think it has to do with the fact that I am not very organized. It is not that I am messy, I am just a bit scattered. When you are scattered in thought, you end up being scattered in life, and vice versa. I just want to be able to make a solid decision in my life. I want to know what to do, I want to know where to go, I want to just have a solid knowledge instead of telling everyone that I am still deciding or that I am working on it.

I am not just talking about college decisions, I am talking about tons of things. Everything, really. I want to know myself so well that it is easy to make a decision.

This whole post is full of me saying how much I want something. That is how bad it is. I can't even make the decision to be decisive. 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

But, honestly

I tend to post things when I see a problem and genuinely want to change it.
Sometimes, these issues are personal. It takes a lot for me to admit something like this, but I think it may be just the motivation and risk I need to take in order to change.

I know that in the past I have had some issues with honesty.
Okay, I think a lot of people have troubles with this. I tell little lies without even really thinking about it. Probably every day. Someone may ask, "Did you see this movie" and you reply "Oh yeah, I did" I used to just blow off a small lie like that, but lately all that goes on in my head is "no I didn't. Why in the world would I say something like that. That was so stupid. A pointless lie. Of all the lies-I lied about that. It isn't going to do anything for my social standing or anything. It wont change my life. But no. I had to lie about some stupid movie"

I am not kidding when I say that this can lead to bigger problems in the 'lying' department. People always tell you that one lie leads to another, and I think we tend to think that they mean in that moment. It isn't just in that moment. Lying gets easier. You start to not really feel that bad about it. You start to not really care.

And we all know that problems occur when one doesn't care. All sorts of things that I don't even want to go into.

I have noticed that I tend to declare things on public websites. It is where I challenge myself the most, because I feel like I have to live up to it.
I am about to do it again and I am sure that it will not be the last time. If you haven't guessed already, I want to improve my honesty. I know I have mentioned a little about how I shouldn't be fake in general. But I gotta narrow it down a little more. I need to altogether stop saying things that are not true.

Just think about what lying does to people? It is the root of much bigger problems. If we eliminate dishonesty, we could change something.
Because I someday want to make the world a better place, and I guess the best thing to start with is myself.
Take this challenge with me?