I suck at life.

I know what I want to do. I just don't want to do it. Make sense of that... haha.

Why is it that everyone thinks that they have to be in love with someone all the time.
Why is it that everyone thinks that I have to be in love with someone.
Stop it. I don't like anyone. Is that a crime.

I love respect. I love friends. I love conversations. I love to vent.
Sometimes, I even love crying.

bleckk. I just feel like crap. solos next period.
That could be interesting.
Work tonight,
at least my last day is coming up.
Sterling Scholar interview tomorrow.
That is what I am most nervous about.

oh,

I want a Jedi

I wrote this essay for AP language, and being the nerd that I am, I quite like it.

    We live under the constant shadow of perfection. These non-existent life forms that forever haunt us with their complete understanding of life and it’s purpose. These beings that know how to protect themselves and others effectively. Having two brothers at home, I realise the true importance of these creatures, and it will haunt me until I die. I always thought that I wanted to be one of them, but I have come to the conclusion that I just want one of them. I want a Jedi.
    If I had a Jedi of my own, there are certain things that I just wouldn’t have to put up with. Crowded hallways would never be a problem again. Just bring my Jedi friend along and those people are being forced out of my way in a heartbeat. A family member comes into my room to wake me up, and my Jedi friend is there to mind-control them into thinking it is three o’clock in the morning. Can’t decide where to go to lunch? My Jedi is there to tell me how much I love Del Taco (even if I don’t). Someone upsetting me, no problem. Eat my Jedi’s light-saber.
    I would love to be able to get all my homework done without getting distracted. With a Jedi, they could just mind control me into finishing it. I am not the tallest person in the world, and a lot of times, I can’t reach something that I want. All they would have to do is use the force, and it’s in my hands. The traffic on the way to school is getting seriously ridiculous, but this wouldn’t be a problem for me, because my Jedi would know how to make and operate a spaceship or hovercraft that could get me there in no time.
    What about their sense of the future? No more worries about where I should go to school, how I am going to pay for it, if I will ever get married. They just know, and they will tell me what is best. I would become something that I want to be sometimes, intimidating. Only I will be intimidating, and still be awesome. He could help me find answers to my questions, or challenge me when needed. My Jedi would make me a better person.
    Sometimes, I just want to do something out of the ordinary. An adventure, a journey. That is no big deal for my Jedi, because he is familiar with many galaxies. On those days when I am just tired of Human life, my Jedi could introduce me to his fellow Jedi’s, or other alien friends. I would never be bored. They even have droid friends, the kind that could do anything technical for me, and I would never have to deal with that.
    You can do just about anything with the back-up of a Jedi. Think about the inventions that they have; devices for breathing under water, grappling hooks, light-sabers and bullets and bombs that seek things. Plus they are simply genius. They always have a way to make something impossible work. Who coulld have a better personal trainer?
    One day, I may find something that I like more, but for now, I just really want a Jedi.

Latest concert. life. emotion.

Thursday, I attended the Yellowcard concert. Wow. I have always loved them, but this really made me love them even more. I just felt this unwavering connection to that band and all their music. I also felt very connected to my best friend. Because I love her, and that band is like our friendship all wrapped into one thing. It is very hard to explain.
I am thankful for them.
I am thankful for new-found friendships, and old strong ones.
I am thankful for those who are thankful for me.
I am lucky to be able to communicate about everything with my friends.
As far as I know, there is nothing about me that my best friend doesn't know, and if there is, I would tell her in a heart-beat.
There are people that I thought wanted nothing to do with me, that I find myself talking to more and more and loving more and more. I love my friends, and I am so lucky to have such amazing ones.
This concert put everything into perspective for me, and it was exactly what I needed.
I struggle. I connect myself to people. I need socialization more than anything in the world. That is what I can rely on most lately, my friends. They are there for me.
"It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend"

thank you Yellowcard. Thank you Kailee and Pablo for sharing that day with me.
I need you all.
And all my friends.
True, yes. Cheesy, maybe. False, never.
Just dont forget how much you all mean to me.

you know how the time flies. only yesterday was the time of our lives.

I write when I am inspired. I am supposed to be writing an essay right now. But, I am not that kind of inspired. I am blog kind of inspired. There are so many things people take for granted. I feel like one of them is my amazing friends. I love them. so much, and yet... I take advantage of them.
I don't want to give off the same first impression any more. the "i am a jerk that makes jokes at other peoples expense". I want a new one.
But, I love my life. I love examples. I love God. And, I love my friends.
not to mention music. that regulates my emotions.
And by the way.
Regrets? I should dance still. bleh. that gets to me sometimes. I once dreamed of being a choreographer,. who would have thought?
I quit my job. and love that I did.
I am going to shakespeare next week, and I couldn't be more excited.
this post is me rambling. so if your bored, dang.

I should call kailee. she would understand. yep. doing it
I love you. peace out