Headed fast as we can for the unknown

This is exactly what I needed, and it is only the beginning. I could not be more happy to be a part of the T-bird nation. SUU is seriously the perfect place for me. I have met some people that I really feel like I could create lasting friendships with.

Our motivational speaker talked about how we need to forget about first impressions and stop judging people by what we first see. Everybody does it. He asked us all to close our eyes and raise our hand if we are prejudice. It was really tough for me to admit that I was. That is exactly what I DON'T want to be, but I am. Then he asked the people who were raising their hands to stand up. Even though I wanted to trust this large crowd to have their eyes closed, it was still really hard for me to do. When we open our eyes, next to no one was standing up.

I was really inspired by this, and decided that I need to take this new experience of college and change. Forget about how I have thought of people in the past. I am going to make friends that I never would have made before. I am going to forget about opinions that I might have of people and just get to know who they really are.

At all these kick-off workshops and things, something keeps coming up. Everyone keeps saying how this is a chance for us to turn our life around. To break free from who we might have been and become who we are going to be. I have procrastinated in the past, but that doesn't make me a procrastinator. I have cheated before, but that doesn't mean I am a cheater. The things I have done in the past do not create make me a bad person. Yes, my decisions have had an impact on my life. The have created the person that I am today, but they have not put me into a stereotype. I am Jessica Jensen. I am myself. And I am STILL creating myself. That is the magnificent part. Someone that I met yesterday or today  or tomorrow could become a big part of my life.

There are so many people out there that we don't even know exist. We are on the earth with millions of people, and we probably will never meet most of them. So why not try to find the good in the people that we do have the opportunity to meet? We don't we become friends with those people. We can change their lives as much as they can change ours.

I'm going to, step by step, become who I am going to be.

But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide.

I have come to the realization that we take life for granted. I know that people say this all the time, but it couldn't be more true. The importance of being alive, being functional, just being able to see, to say, to listen and to feel. We are so fortunate. The people who always seem the most optimistic are those who seem to have less than most. They get over their moments of being sad about what they lack, and then they decide to realize what they have. 

It is shocking that those that have lives that make us cry are always the ones smiling, laughing and enjoying what they do have. We see how short their life may be, and they see what a life they have lived. The best thing is they never stop living. They stay with us, sometimes more than those that are with us. 

I have been bitter. All I keep doing is anticipating the future. Attempting to fast-forward to where I might be going. I need to learn to live now. I have got to start making something of this. I need to take advantage of the time that I have. It sounds depressing, but it is not meant to. I just want to do something. Maybe I should stop wanting and just do it. 

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to chose where we come from, we can still chose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." -The Perks of Being a Wallflower 

When silence surrounds you.

Overwhelming emotion of the day: Confusion.

If you write while you are confused, the results are usually confusing. So, don't expect this to make sense. 

I feel as though I genuinely care about people. I just don't feel like it comes across. I think that I am thought to be someone who is carefree, and therefor, careless. But I think that there is a difference. It may seem like I don't care, but everything has an influence on me. I care a lot more about others than they apparently realize. 

There are times that people act as though they care, and maybe they do, but not on as personal a level as they make it seem. They could forward out a text message informing the majority of their contact list how much they love and care about them. Each individual is under the impression that they are being genuine. But someone finds out. They tell others about it. What does this do?

It could crush people. 

How do you show someone that you really care. Let's try talking to them. In person, maybe? Making a legitimate attempt to show them how you feel. This does not include: saying the same thing you say to everyone, doing it because you know you should, or doing it as a last resort. Show some concern, pay attention to what is actually going on in their life. 

That was more negative than I intended in the first place. Maybe I just need some more vitamin d. 

I am so grateful for those in my life that are there for me, and not just because they know they should. My family, my close friends, and a few select people that are always there, and always seem to care. This realization has only made me want to pay more and more attention to those I care about. It makes me want to be more honest. 

I'm going to try not to put on a face when it is unnecessary.