Monday, September 30, 2013

Some kind of Mysterious.

So much has happened lately, it might be hard to update. I have seriously sucked at writing on here lately.

First of all, most of my emotion has recently been focused on the fact that I have been called to serve as a missionary for the LDS church and assigned to labor in the Mexico Veracruz mission. I am beyond excited to learn and teach the gospel in spanish and to develop a love for the people of Veracruz. I already love them so much- and I haven't even met them yet! Although it has been a very trying experience, so much has worked out and I have complete faith that everything will fall into place- maybe not as I have planned, but certainly as God does. I am sure that you have read or skimmed or skipped or seen over a million mission blogs by now. Don't worry, that is not what this is. If I make a mission blog, it will be different than this blog.

It could not be my blog, though, if I did not mention it on here. So I promise, the rest of this post will not have any mission stuff.

I want to focus on the beauty of autumn. Imma sound like a "white gurl" for a minute, and I seriously don't care because fall is so awesome and I am an actual white girl. So it's fine.

When fall comes around, I tend to discover things that I end up relating with the season. Like music, books, sweatpants and herbal teas. Normal things that are generally associated with the season, but they are specific things to me. Particular, not general.  I get this feeling in the fall, a feeling I have came to calling 'necessary sadness'. It is like the washing away of the unnecessary. I have time to myself to relax and renew. I know that the only reason for this is I am a young adult living with my parents and not currently going to school. I am in this 'in between' phase. And although I sometimes feel useless, I remember that I do have an ultimate purpose and it is okay to enjoy this short time that I have. My parents will be at work and my brother will be at school, and I can sit on the floor and breath to myself or read or stare or think or do yoga or so many other things, without interruption.

Although I wouldn't like to live in my necessary sadness forever, it really is beautiful. I am not in it all fall long, there are normal days. But it is almost like a place inside of me. A place of serenity. If I really look for it- do things to recall the feelings of love and life and breath- I think that it will always be there waiting for me when I need to relax. The rain feeling. The autumn feeling. Warm drinks and warm clothes and cold houses and Cold War Kids.
Longing, nostalgia, happiness, sadness, ambivalence.
Autumn. It is now time for what has had it's turn to die and fall in preparation for the freeze and then for better things to grow.

And that's why I like autumn. Along with all the pumpkin stuff because I am a white girl after all.