Thursday, January 24, 2013

I turn to you and let you know that I love you.

I got pretty lucky in the friend department. I am blessed to have the best friends anyone could ask for, even if they don't realize it. I guess I am writing this because it is coming down to it. I am grabbing hold of what could potentially become final moments of friendship. I hate to think of it like that, but it is such a possibility now that it scares me. I have to do what I can to keep myself from falling apart.

I am so dependent. I told my dad today that I'm not exactly social, but there are some people that I have in my life as anchors. They keep me where I am supposed to be. I am scared I can't make it on my own. As much as I want college to be so great and fantastic and amazing, it just can't live up to what I already have. The friends that I have back home are my foundation. Some of them I am sure I need way more than they need me and some I am sure don't realize how much I need them. But I do. They are a part of who I am. The biggest part of who I am.

There are times when I feel like I am trying so hard and getting little in return. But I snap out of it, because my friends always come through. Even when I just get a text saying they were thinking of me or they miss me or even just asking me how my day is, I remember how lucky I am. Even if I don't mean as much to them as they do to me, it is all worth it because I need them. If I have to fight to keep our friendship from being forgotten, I am going to do it! Even if it is uncomfortable or risky. This isn't middle school or high school anymore, this is the real thing. I want the people in my life right now to become the people in my life forever. I am going to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

So if you're one of those people and you are reading this... Just know I am not giving up. Even if it doesn't feel at risk right now, I'm still going to fight to keep meaningful friendship. You got me through all this, and I have never been happier. You mean the world to me and I don't want to lose this. No matter what.