I want a Jedi

I wrote this essay for AP language, and being the nerd that I am, I quite like it.

    We live under the constant shadow of perfection. These non-existent life forms that forever haunt us with their complete understanding of life and it’s purpose. These beings that know how to protect themselves and others effectively. Having two brothers at home, I realise the true importance of these creatures, and it will haunt me until I die. I always thought that I wanted to be one of them, but I have come to the conclusion that I just want one of them. I want a Jedi.
    If I had a Jedi of my own, there are certain things that I just wouldn’t have to put up with. Crowded hallways would never be a problem again. Just bring my Jedi friend along and those people are being forced out of my way in a heartbeat. A family member comes into my room to wake me up, and my Jedi friend is there to mind-control them into thinking it is three o’clock in the morning. Can’t decide where to go to lunch? My Jedi is there to tell me how much I love Del Taco (even if I don’t). Someone upsetting me, no problem. Eat my Jedi’s light-saber.
    I would love to be able to get all my homework done without getting distracted. With a Jedi, they could just mind control me into finishing it. I am not the tallest person in the world, and a lot of times, I can’t reach something that I want. All they would have to do is use the force, and it’s in my hands. The traffic on the way to school is getting seriously ridiculous, but this wouldn’t be a problem for me, because my Jedi would know how to make and operate a spaceship or hovercraft that could get me there in no time.
    What about their sense of the future? No more worries about where I should go to school, how I am going to pay for it, if I will ever get married. They just know, and they will tell me what is best. I would become something that I want to be sometimes, intimidating. Only I will be intimidating, and still be awesome. He could help me find answers to my questions, or challenge me when needed. My Jedi would make me a better person.
    Sometimes, I just want to do something out of the ordinary. An adventure, a journey. That is no big deal for my Jedi, because he is familiar with many galaxies. On those days when I am just tired of Human life, my Jedi could introduce me to his fellow Jedi’s, or other alien friends. I would never be bored. They even have droid friends, the kind that could do anything technical for me, and I would never have to deal with that.
    You can do just about anything with the back-up of a Jedi. Think about the inventions that they have; devices for breathing under water, grappling hooks, light-sabers and bullets and bombs that seek things. Plus they are simply genius. They always have a way to make something impossible work. Who coulld have a better personal trainer?
    One day, I may find something that I like more, but for now, I just really want a Jedi.