I have crossed one of the marks of graduation. It is really kinda painful. Everything is flying at me screaming "grow up!" and the more it does, the younger I become. I have always been a little defiant.
And here I am, on like my five thousandth attempt at becoming a better person, one step up and two steps back. Hoping to gradually have more good choices than bad, and I am really not sure that it will really ever happen. But I hope that I will. I hope that I have made some sort of difference in someones life, because people have changed me like crazy. Of course I keep writing about it, because I feel like it helps me change. The first step is being happy. Just trying to be nice to people. I think that I could be better if I did that, focused on making others happy when I am around them, and focus on self worth and progression when I am alone. Gotta get out of this rut somehow.
I am so dependent. Right now I have really great friends to depend upon, But who knows how long that will last, I am about to go to college. I am about to start something on my own. It's way too crazy.
First, I would just like to say that I always read your blog, every time you post. I love it and I feel like there is such an honesty to your posts that I only wish I could have with mine.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are going to love college. I remember this exact time last year- I was speaking at graduation, but still not on track to graduate, so I was put on "school arrest" where I had to get everything done and it was all so stressful and I was constantly crying, usually in the privacy of the drama room, and everything was stressing me out and THEN graduation day came, and I took a deep breath. And it was all done!
Being dependent is a necessity. I don't know that I am much less dependent now than I was a year ago, but I think you will be surprised with how much you really can do successfully and independently. I depend on my friends every single day- they pull me through.
As for the kindness. You are one of the sweetest, most genuine people I have ever met.
One thing I have tried to put into practice is focusing on whatever I am doing at THAT moment, and only that moment. If I am in school, being completely dedicated to school work. If I am with friends, being completely dedicated to listening and being happy with them. And when I am alone, taking a few deep breaths, just to make it through.
I think you are incredible, Jessica, and you certainly changed my life for the better!
I think you will love college, and I know you will be successful and great, as always! I love you :)
Ashley, my dear sweet hope for humanity. I love you so much. You are an inspiration. I am so grateful for you, you always go out of your way to make sure I am alright, and that seriously means so much. You are always the one picking me up when I am down, where I should really focus more on you. Your dedication is incomparable. I love what you said about living in the moment, and I defiantly need to do that. Perfect advice. I love you, lets please hang out all the time.
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