What just happened.

It is wonderful how spontaneous life is. We never know what the heck is going to happen next. Honestly, someone could wake up one day to find that their car is gone and then lose their job while their mother is sick in the hospital. Their child could call home sick from school and they could lose their wallet, all in the same day. This person probably thinks that they have it worst in all of the world. They don’t.

I have caught myself complaining a lot. I am around people who complain all the time, and then something serious like this hits and none of us really know what do to or how to feel.
Cancer is a real problem. We all are taught that, but do we really know? I think that we never will fully understand the impact it has on people. I wish there was a way to stop it from taking life lives of many and damaging the lives of more. But I believe in God. I believe that everything has a purpose and that we are here to be tried and tested. There is a place where we can all be together again.


Why should we waste our time complaining about how hard our lives are and all that crazy stuff that doesn't really matter when we should be worrying about others. We should be helping others. There is a lack of respect that I have seen so much lately that I am so confused by. People feel this need to be inappropriate and obnoxious. I say things only to be contradicted sometimes. I watch students take advantage of teachers and children take advantage of parents. I am sick of it, this is seriously unacceptable.


I am so grateful for what I have been given in this life, and I hope I my eyes will stay open to these things. I wish I could grab and shake some people back to their potential and that they could see what I feel. 


Please, remember that everyone is worth it.


I love my friends. especially my best one.


People just need love. We need acceptance.

I win. Fly. Soar higher, higher, higher, more, fire.

It drives me insane when something so amazing can mess up society. For example, Photoshop. I love it, because it corrects my mistakes and imperfections. But I really it takes something away from the art. I wonder if there are people who don't believe in using it. It sounds ridiculous, but it makes some sense. People who are terrible at photography can now be good. You can hide acne or freckles. People can look completely different, skinnier than they are and more "beautiful" but in reality, perfection isn't beauty. And the idea of perfection changes so much, how would real people ever keep up with it.
What about perfection. What even is that? Does anyone even know? no. because it doesn't exist on earth. The most beautiful people I know are not perfect. The word "ugly" does so many bad things to people every day.
The world turns things that are helpful or beautiful into things that hurt or are misunderstood.
Don't you ever miss reality?
How are we going to learn with all these self correctors?

People don't learn from their mistakes as much any more.I know I don't. If you grow up with a little red squiggle under each word you misspell, will you ever spell correctly?  If you are allowed to take a test as many times as you want, are you really going to study that hard? How do people evaluate your knowledge in situations like that? Who are they to test your knowledge?
We all take the easy way out. I really hope I am learning in this ever changing world.

We are all too dependent on things that are not constant. Me too, but really. Where are we headed with all this?

can you save us?

Cheers to those things that we try to describe accurately, but just can't. To writers block. Let's all give it up for the people who don't understand our inspiration. Why do I try to explain it to you when I know you wont ever quite understand? I just don't think like you I guess.
But I could use someone to listen to me. To really listen. Someone new that just calls me up because they need me, because I'm done being the one who needs. I want to be needed. I'm flawed. But what is the difference in being flawed and being original. It's just another way of putting it.
I don't do this to make people happy. I don't even try to make myself happy sometimes. It isn't always about being happy, sometimes it is about being worth it. Being satisfied, contempt or simply worth it.
Lets all try today to feel. Because it's the only thing that's true.

scroll down and hit pause on playlist bar, then watch this.

basically sums up my feelings right now. stop ridiculing me for thinking this.

The true importance

People don't think they are worth it. Ask the person to your right "What's your worth?"
Did they just give you that face. The confused one, with a side comment of "My what?" of "I'm trying to do my homework" I bet they did, because they don't know how much they mean to you.

So tell them.
Lately I have made a point to let people know when they truly mean a lot to me. It's not all about self worth, you mean something to others as well. There is a particular person who has stood out to me lately, and I realize that I need them. I haven't told them directly, and I feel sad about that, but it is going to happen. These last few weeks have been cram packed full of hell that I can't put up with, and then someone comes along willing to talk to me about it. That is how it always is with them, they are always there right when I need them.

It's not who I would think either. A ton of people talk crap about this person. Why? Because they simply dont know. Which brings me to another important point.
Stop judging. I'm sick of the assumptions. the stereotypes. the gossip. Why participate in something that is about to bite you back.
I am not saying I don't, because I am guilty. I just accused myself of being a hypocrite, but I still hope it changes.
It kills me when I see someone less fortunate get made fun of.
It kills me when you bash on your friends at their expense.
It kills me when I am on the receiving end.

Just remember: that person could be you.

I love the people I can go to. I love that they know when I need them.
They have worth.
You have worth.
and I think I have worth. I'm not perfect, I don't do everything I should. I'm not the best friend. I can be a real jerk, but I am glad to be loved anyway, and I am trying.

It takes a lot for me to say that I'm going to be myself. That I am going to try harder. And that I am worth it.

But to get myself there, you all have to know that you are. You are worth it. Don't ever forget it.

as if something bad, was gone.

I just feel right now. I feel like I have accomplished something. It is sad to see others go through loss, but sometimes it is necessary. You have to let go of things in order to gain other things.
To feel worth it, we have to accomplish somthing.
In order to accomplish something, you have to find the will power.
Will power from inspiration, from anticipation and even sometimes from failure.

You have to set happiness up for yourself. If you keep talking about being sad, upset, or disappointed, you will be. Happiness you have to hope for. Not only hope, but work for.
It is hard, but I am telling you it is worth it.

And, you don't have to be "in love" to happy. Sure, it helps, but sometimes what you are feeling is not love. To be happy, you have to have love. Probably not for what you think. Love isn't what it is thought to be. Think about what love really is.

You have to need something in order to receive it in its fullness. someone can't want it for you. You have to fight for it, and work for it, and accept it, and love it.
That is when you really love. When you know you worked for what was needed, for everyone.

Discovery.

We all have to think in order to learn. We all have to want to know. We have to have our own opinions. They were meant to be respected. People just don't understand that these days.
If you want to be heard, you have to listen.
I sometimes don't want to hear it. Considering something that you don't think you believe can be difficult, but in this world, you have to be willing to listen.
Perspective is necessary. It's beautiful.

I have begun to realize the importance that other people play in my life.
I have always known how big of a role music plays in my life. I know I talk about The Killers all the time, so I am going to mention a few other artists,.

Angels and Airwaves.

Weezer.

Ingrid Michaelson.

Coldplay.

Adele.

Yellowcard.

Music connects. It makes you think.

I love people who have a passion for what they do. I learn more from teaches that love what they teach.
People that want to change the world.
Find something you love. Find someone you love.
Be so passionate and persistent that it inspires people. Or if you have to, annoy them. If that is what it takes for someone to see you in your real light, DO IT. I talk all the time about how blessed I am; but I have trials too. The reason that I am so blessed is because I am able to face them.
Sure I have problems.
Sure I want simpathy.

I need to listen to people, because every day I need people to listen to me.

can you hear what they are saying to you? do you know what they mean?
that is so generic. "I know what you mean". Do you really?

Think about it. A lot of times, they don't need your advice. People just need someone to talk to. to get it out.
I have always felt like if I don't talk about it, everything will build up in my head until there is no more room. I still feel that way. That is why I write about it. Here, in my journal, on my "math notes". It doesn't matter where I am, I have to write or talk about how I feel. I have to talk about decisions.
I have to talk about everything.
somebody has to listen.
be that listener.