my life.

I love little things in life.
They end up being the most important.
Like, getting lost, but still ending up where you want to be.
Like waking up at 2am and then staying up till midnight.
Like finally purchasing what will become the soundtrack of your summer.
Like making last minute birthdays a success.
Like playing the Wii till you are dead.
Like eating the best breakfast ever.
Like when people tell you something so simple, and it makes everything better.
Like realizing that despite what the world may think, I don't need a boyfriend to be completely happy.
Like not being scared when you don't know where you are.
Like understanding that it is okay if you are not gorgeous.
Like listening to the killers so much that you talk in form of their lyrics.
Like not realizing how much you need someone until they are gone.
I love this. I love summer. Lets just never go back to school.

a little time.

Oh the odd concept of time. It has always troubled me. I always wonder about it. who decided that there was 60 seconds in a minute and 60 minutes in an hour? it seems a bit odd. I think it is strange that people refer to this impossible adventure as "traveling" through time. would it really be a journey, or more like rewind and fast forward. I would never have the courage to let my mind figure out how it might work, but somebody did, and they did a mighty fine job at it.
If you have not figured it out already, I have a new-found love for books. This trilogy was already a favorite of mine before I even liked reading. It started out on a boring summer day a few years ago. My mom handed me a book and said something like "what else do you have?" and so I got reading. I couldn't put it down. This amazing book was "The hourglass door" by Lisa Mangum. ever since then, I have waited for each book in the trilogy to come, and I just finished the last one.
I. love. them.
so, if you are reading this, I strongly recommend them. Lisa Mangum has the concept of time all figured out, and it is quite amazing. It also is a love story, and I swear, I can't read a book without one. fantastic.

do you remember

This song makes me think of several things. some personal, some not so much.
but mostly, it helps me remember.
Listen, and think,.

YELLOWCARD

alright, I had to blog about this because my life was just made better.
My favorite band from a few years ago is back. the have a new album. Some would say it is a bad thing that they have not changed much, but i love it, due to the fact that they are STILL the band I love. I am so happy right now it is insane. They have always been my summer band, and they are back. Just in time. love.
I met this band when I was 14 at warped tour, and I was so happy that I almost died, then, just after that, I hear they are going on hiatus. great. NOW THEY ARE BACK!! i think it makes me love them so much more. I will post some of my old favorites on my playlist, since the new ones are not on playlist.com yet. :] my music taste has changed a lot, but I will keep a place for them. PS: the itunes rating of the new cd is *****
yellowcard rules.

My life.

pounding headache.
     My friends mean the world to me. I love them. There is so much that they do not know that they actually influence me in my life. I would do anything for them. I don't care if they care or not, or if they even know that, but i hope that they do, because I know they go through a lot that I could never handle. Things happen in the world sometimes that I do not understand, but hopefully they are for the better. After all, I am not the judge, the decision maker, but I am going to do the best I can to get things to be the best they can. I listen to what is around me, and it affects me. Emotion. what does that even mean to people. It means a ton to me, and I have never been faced with a choice quite like this, but I think it will be worth it. I do not know how it will work out, but I am going to try the best I can to make it work. Sometimes it seems like my trials are so much harder different from others around me. but I can do this, and I have the strength.
     I have a different way of motivating myself then other people do. I write about it. I write about myself until there is nothing left to write about. People say they want their blog to be like a journal or a cork board or a place to post funny pictures... I want it to be my head. My whole brain just scattered all across this entire webpage. Just the thought process, where my thoughts are going how, not necessarily why. I just want it to be written somewhere. the motivation behind these thoughts, for the most part, will be kept to myself. Its open. relate.
     I believe in this time I know I can live through this life and there is a lot to think about, with all the pressures in my head, I am surprised that it has not spontaneously combusted. I want to know so much about myself. Just when you think that you have it all figured out, it all changes. I don't need what someone else needs. You can have it, because I was not so sure I would be able to handle it in the first place. I'm going to give it away, because I love you more then that, and you need it more then I do. Don't think about it too hard.
     Now take hold of it and don't let go. Work harder knowing someone gave it all for you. I know that you can do it.

words.

this is a picture from the BYU art museum.

this feels like how many books i have to read for english...

gah.

expectations.

everyone has them. we plan out how we want something to be, what we hope it will be. It is never going to go according to plan. still plan. hope for things. want them. but, expect for them to be different then you think. just because something did not happen exactly how you thought it would does not mean that it wasn't good. the best things that happen are spontaneous. whenever I do something out of the blue, it ends up better then if i would have planned it for a thousand years. Its like acting, you have to know who you are, where you are going to be and how you would react, but, the more you know the part you play, the better things turn out. You can't have as good of a reaction to something you already know is going to happen. just like when you can tell the actor is just waiting for their next line. You have to be connected enough to what is around you that the best things happen. What if you were having your wedding, and you planned it without one speck of free time. to me, it would not be me. I wouldn't know how i really felt about it if i knew exactly what was going to happen. that is why i like to write. I just start writing and what starts out as scattered thoughts becomes a reality. if you think you know how something is supposed to be, it will never be that way. Just look at it's root. Suppose: Assume that something is the case on the basis of evidence or probability but without proof or certain knowledge. those words are uncertain. if it is supposed to be a certain way, people are just assuming it will be like that.
News flash: It wont.
hope. dream. wish. cliche.
hope because you feel. dream because you love. and wish because you know.
it will be worth it. make good of what is, and don't expect more.